Sharing is weakness, and weakness is something to be avoided among men. Since men are socialized to not be connected with our emotions – outside, of course, from anger and lust – we tend to from seeking emotional intimacy outside of their relationship; many people feel as though this were a potential threat to their romantic bond. (Interestingly, there is even some of this amongst gay men; there are subsets of gay men who try to compensate against the stereotype of being “queeny” by trying to be hypermasculine and straight-presenting as possible…Weakness and vulnerability can only be shown to those who are not in a position to damage our status in the masculine hierarchy. And to be sure: to an outside observer (or a significant other, for that matter) many platonic male-female relationships can seem like an intensely romantic connection, even when they’re nothing of the sort. But even then, it’s transitory, even suspect at best, because straight men “inevitably” want to sleep with their female friends. complete with the same prohibitions against masculine affection).It can be hard, even for guys who want a closer friendship, to deliberately lower one’s guard and not lash out from sheer instinct rather than consciously rejecting someone. Better to get drunk first, so at least you can blame your sudden shameful lack of masculinity on the alcohol.
It’s a cultural issue, part of the kabuki theater of gender roles that we still live by – men are the doers while women are the nurturers. Women are from greater levels of emotional intimacy, especially with other men. As I’ve mentioned before, men are taught to be disconnected from their emotions. and that’s pretty much just as femme-y as the other guy, so clearly the two of you might as well go out back and blow each other, right?
How many of you have a friend – or several friends – who you can go to when you need help. Studies have found that people with fewer close friends tended to have a greater risk of death.
Someone you can share deep and personal parts of your life with? As we grew up, we had our best friends, other boys around our age who were as close with as brothers might ever be. Being seen as being too close with somebody meant that you weren’t friends, it meant that at least I’m not being hyperbolic when I say that this lack of intimacy hurts us.
As a result: we aren’t able to other men enough to open up to them.
We don’t want to risk them mistaking our openness or affection for making a pass at them.